ALAN FREW

Musician. Author. Speaker.

Dear Canada Blog #51 April 15th 2018

Really not much to tell you today Dear Canada as it was a day off and a travel home day. For the record I might add, a travel day, in the depths of winter hell😱😳😱  and yet, the calendar says that it’s April. This is just another testament to the fact that the weather has been insane all around the globe. 

  “Today’s weather will be shitty with a good chance of more shitty later in the day.”

“Today’s weather will be shitty with a good chance of more shitty later in the day.”

  The Blue and the Green.

The Blue and the Green.

I woke up at 9 a.m. to watch football (soccer) live from Scotland. Rangers vs Celtic, in the semi-final of the Scottish Cup. The pre-game hype of it, perhaps being a “contest,” was simply that, hype. Celtic soundly thrashed Rangers and maintained their hold on Scottish Football, period. It felt like boys against men and Celtic could easily have racked up more than the four goal margin of their victory. My Celtic pals have had a field day with it all, and of course, I would do exactly the same thing.😉

 

And then......the drive began. 

Kingston, Ontario is a city on the eastern end of Lake Ontario at the beginning of the St. Lawrence River. The city is midway between Toronto, Ontario and Montreal, Quebec. Kingston, was named the first capital of the United Province of Canada in 1841, although this was short-lived, ending in 1844. A normal journey from Kingston, Ontario to Toronto should take you about 2 hrs 20 mins or so, give or take what time normal traffic costs you. But “Not today Joséphine.” Today is going to take way longer.

This spring, (winter), storm is a monster and it’s wreaking havoc. Hey, I just realized that I  took writer’s privilege and “doctored” the old quip about Joséphine. The phrase is of course,“Not tonight Joséphine.” Are you familiar with it? If so, do you ever use it? It’s probably more of an older U.K. type, euphemism. I used to hear it a lot when I was young.

  “Not tonight Jo, I have a splitting headache.” 

“Not tonight Jo, I have a splitting headache.” 

This phrase is the supposed response by Napoleon Bonaparte when declining sex with Empress Joséphine, but there is no evidence whatsoever that Napoleon ever uttered these words. There's certainly no printed record of them in any language in his lifetime. The earliest reference seems to be a 1911 recording of a song with that name, composed by Seymour Furth and sung by Ada Jones and Billy Murray.

Suffice to say my dear, “Joséphine,” that it was a “white knuckler” all the way, that required some serious road attention to avoid those who seem oblivious to the howling winds, the snow, the ice pellets freezing instantly to the windshields, and the treacherous, slippy, icy, conditions. There’s a name for those kind of drivers again, oh, what is it? Hmm, it’s on the tip of my tongue. Oh yeah, that’s it, of course, how could I forget? ASSHOLES! That’s what they’re called, they’re known as assholes. 

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  “Look at me, I can do 200 in the snow!” 

“Look at me, I can do 200 in the snow!” 

What is it with some people? They go gunning past you at 120, 140 kms/hr or even more, as if it’s the July 1st/4th weekend and they cause all kinds of mayhem and havoc, which usually never ends well for some poor bastard. They are a nightmare. I can’t tell you how many cars we saw in ditches and I have no pity for them, but the problem is the poor buggers in the ditches are usually NOT them!! Or if it is them, they have some poor innocent with them, perhaps a spouse or worse yet kids. But it’s all too often some innocent driver that gets nailed by their stupidity, causing them to spin out of control and off the highway. Sean was driving our vehicle and did a great job. Well done Sean!

I started daydreaming about about a long hot soak in the tub. As you know from previous blogs it’s one of my favourite pastimes, which by the way, speaking of Napoleon, happened to be a not-so-guilty-pleasure of his also. His private secretary once wrote; His partiality for the bath he mistook for a necessity. He would usually remain in the bath two hours, during which time I used to read to him extracts from the journals and pamphlets of the day, for he was anxious to hear and know all that was going on. While in the bath, he was continually turning on the warm water, to raise the temperature, so that I was sometimes enveloped in such a dense vapour that I could not see to read, and was obliged to open the door.

  Napoleon’s bath (I’m at the other side but the camera didn’t catch me.) 

Napoleon’s bath (I’m at the other side but the camera didn’t catch me.) 

 It wouldn’t be the first time I have nodded off in the tub only to be awakened by the fact that my balls are up around my spleen trying to find warmth from the cold water enveloping me....

 “ALAN!!! HIT THE HOT DUDE!!” 

“ALAN!!! HIT THE HOT DUDE!!” 

Good news for us was that when we stopped at Sean’s parents house to pick up his car, his father insisted that we instead, take his big 4-wheel drive truck, making the remainder of our journey just that much safer and considerably less stressful.

Got home around 5pm and immediately headed for that warm soak. As I lay back in the warm water I had to once again get a handle on that fact that I was in my own tub, in my own washroom, in my own home and yet, this tour is ongoing. It’s kinda like a “pit-stop” in a car race.

Dinner, laundry and a repacking of my suitcase yet again, although this is the last time for this particular journey. Seven more shows to go. Glass Tiger doesn’t stop at the end of this however, not even close. We go into rehearsals to come out and see you guys for summer shows.

  We will be back out there again soon. 

We will be back out there again soon. 

Got a text from Johnny telling me that he was going to stay out by the Toronto airport due to the fact that all the airlines are heavily affected by this storm. His flight is scheduled to go out about 3hrs prior to ours, so if he gets out, we’ll get out. And that was my day guys. I am all set and ready to head to Halifax.

And so goodnight Dear Canada, until tomorrow~Alan.